Race
Comments from the Finger: Sorry for last week being pretty dead. Starting now, we’re going back to regular two posts a week!
Three Goblins in a Trench Coat
“You’re clearly three goblins in a trench coat. I can see the eyes poking out of the pants.”
“Boygle, he knows too much!”
“Shh! Nobody suspects anything. We just take him to the back room and cut his humie throat.”
“I can still hear you…”
You’re definitely just a normal person, and not three goblins in a trench coat. You like normal tall person things, like seeing over crowds and reaching tall shelves. Even the assertion that you’re three goblins in a trench coat is frankly insulting, as a matter of fact. You’re just a regular tall person wearing a lumpy trench coat, walking awkwardly. Definitely nothing weird about that.
Triple Threat
If you were three goblins in a trench coat, however, you’d be completely unnoticeable: a wolf in sheep’s clothing, wearing the perfect disguise. And of course, three heads are better than one, so you’d be smarter and more charming than even the cleverest stinky human.
Completely Conspicuous
You’re not hiding anything. Like anyone who wears a trench coat, you just like the way it looks. You’re definitely not pilfering anything that comes within reach with small hands that poke out between the buttons of your coat. Don’t be ridiculous! You’re just a normal person! Look, your arms are out here at your sides: how could anyone steal something like that?
Three Goblins in a Trench Coat Names
You have a normal tall person name.
Name. Bob, Humie McPinkSkin, Freddles Mandude, Shuddit Imthaface, Tomathy, Uhh Dave, Vincent Adultman
Three Goblins in a Trench Coat Traits
You have the following racial traits:
Ability Score Increase. Your Dexterity score increases by 2 and your Charisma score increases by 1.
Age. You live as long as other people do. Don’t ask so many silly questions.
Alignment. You can never seem to make up your mind, and can be even heard arguing with your own torso and legs. You tend to be chaotic.
Size. In spite of your swaying walk and lumpy posture, you stand a little over six feet tall, like any other tall person. Your size is Medium.
Speed. Your base walking speed is 25 feet.
Darkvision. You can see in dim light within 60 feet of you as if it were bright light, and in darkness as if it were dim light. You can’t discern color in darkness, only shades of gray.
Incognito. You have proficiency in the Performance skill and with disguise kits. You have advantage on any check made to disguise yourself or convince someone that you are, in fact, just a tall person.
Quick Swipe. As an object interaction on your turn, you can pull an item from your space into your coat or produce and item from your coat. The item must be small enough to fit in a 1-foot cube. It might look like you just grabbed it with an extra green arm, poking out of the jacket for only a second, but that’s just a trick of the light.
Unconscious Movement. If you drop you to 0 hit points and fall unconscious, you can still crawl around, moving a maximum of 5 feet on each of your turns.
Second and Third Chances. When you make an attack roll, ability check, or saving throw, you can roll two additional d20s. You choose to use this ability after you roll the die, but before the outcome is determined. You choose which of the d20s is used for the attack roll, ability check, or saving throw. Once you use this trait, you can’t use it again until you finish a long rest.
Awkward. You can’t add your proficiency bonus to Dexterity checks or saving throws.
Languages. You can speak, read, and write Common and Goblin.
A friend of mine really wanted to play something like this, and seeing this exist will certainly make her day.