Path of the Dad

You’re a dad, the largest and hairiest of barbarians. Regardless of your gender, or whether or not you actually have children, you have channeled enough of the enigmatic Big Dad Energy to earn paternal status, and the effects have been dire. You feel the compulsion to tell jokes which evoke only groans, call people things like “missy” and “sport”, give someone a talking to, and grill meat. You may even grow a beard or develop a beer belly. Worry not; these are merely your first steps along the path to become the ultimate dad.

Beginning when you choose this path at 3rd level, you gain proficiency in any two sets of artisan’s tools of your choice. Additionally, you have advantage on any ability check you make to grill food, perform minor repairs, or assert authority over something unimportant.

By 3rd level, your white hot barbarian rage has cooled to a disapproving fret, or at worst, secondhand platitudes, interspersed with terrible jokes. When you begin raging, choose one hostile creature you can see with whom you are disappointed. This creature subtracts your Rage bonus damage, as shown on the Rage Damage column of the Barbarian table, from its attack rolls until the end of your rage. If this creature makes an attack, your rage can’t end early at the end of your next turn.

Starting at 6th level, the jokes you compulsively tell are so bad, so groan-worthy, that they cause physical harm. You can tell a joke as a bonus action to a creature which can hear you within 60 feet, which must make a Wisdom saving throw (DC equals 8 + your Constitution modifier + your proficiency bonus). A creature which can’t hear you or doesn’t understand your language automatically succeeds this saving throw. On a failed save, the creature takes 1d8 psychic damage. If you roll an 8 on the damage die, the creature finds this joke hilarious and is incapacitated with laughter until the end of its next turn.

By 10th level, you have innate navigational skill and a seething hatred of asking for directions. You always know which way is north and have advantage on any ability check you make to navigate. Furthermore, you can cast the spells locate animals or plants, locate object, and locate creature once each without using spell slots or material components. You regain the ability to cast these spells when you finish a long rest.

Beginning at 14th level, as an action while you are raging, you can summon all of your paternal authority to scold a creature you can see that can hear you within 60 feet. The creature must make a Charisma saving throw (DC equals 8 + your Constitution modifier + your proficiency bonus). On a failed save, the creature is turned for 1 minute or until it takes any damage.

     A turned creature must spend its turns trying to move as far away from you as it can, and it can’t willingly move to a space within 30 feet of you. It also can’t take reactions. For its action, it can use only the Dash action or try to escape from an effect that prevents it from moving. If there’s nowhere to move, the creature can use the Dodge action.

     Once you use this ability, you can’t use it again until you finish a short or long rest.