Okay, it’s time we indulge one of my guilty pleasures with a short article.
DM: You reach into the chest and pull out a ring of levitation!
Player: Okay, I put it on!
DM: Too late, it levitated away!
Dumb Magic Items
Really dumb magic items give me no end of giggles. It’s my all-time favorite way of writing magic items, and I can safely give them away without having to worry that I’m bumping the party up too much in power. Sometimes, they’re bad puns (like the above), sometimes they’re magically useless, and sometimes they’re just ridiculous by nature, but they’re always good for a few laughs. Here’s a handful of examples of magic items that you can use, even if your players won’t.
Examples
Anklet of Bear
While wearing this item, you have complete control of your facial hair. As an action, you can grow or shed your beard, moustache, and eyebrows.
Bag of Folding
This bag perfectly folds all clothes put into it.
Incriminating Dagger
Perhaps the worst item to have on your person when searched, this dagger is always covered in fresh blood. This blood can be wiped off, but appears fresh again on the blade when it is drawn.
Pants of Dance
These brightly-colored pants always seem be a size too small, in spite of the fact that it resizes to fit its wearer. Once worn, the creature is cursed to dance for a least an hour, as per the spell irresistible dance, before they can be removed.
Penny of Thoughts
When a creature touches this coin, which looks like an ordinary copper piece, it immediately blurts out what it was thinking. After a creature is affected by this item, it is immune to its effects for 24 hours.
Spoon of Stirring
This spoon, highly valued by baristas, automatically stirs whenever it is placed in liquid.
Wand of Wand of Summoning Summoning
As an action, you can use this wand to summon another identical wand. Once activated, this wand crumbles into dust.
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